Joan and Umad
by obsessivewriterlikescookies
Summary: One status from Kurt leads to an all out Facebook war between Blaine and Rachel. Who will emerge the victor? Who will be claimed best Buffy fan of all time? Blainchel EVENTUAL friendship, a little Pezberry, a little Klaine, a little Fuinn. One-shot.


**Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Please don't kill me! *Cowers in corner of room* I can't help it. I have ideas for oneshots. I promise I will update Ignorance is Bliss and when I've finished that I will go back to Best Kept Hidden but I just HAD to try out a Facebook story and I badly wanted to write about this, so... yeah. I plead guilty, with good intentions *smiles hopefully*. BTW you won't understand this fic if you haven't seen season 6 of Buffy. Anyways, established Klaine, non established (but soon to be) Pezberry, Fuinn (I'm sorry, Quinn's not gay here), Samcedes (I actually don't like this couple but you had to give her something, cause this is set before she became a bitch in Asian F, I literally hiss when I think about that episode) and Bartie. That's about it. OOH wait! Thank me, I used mostly American spelling in this, just for you dudes.**

**Disclaimer: A thousand times we've been over this, . I do noteth owneth the glee-eth. Or the Buffy-eth. I promise-eth.**

**Kurt Hummel: **has been tricked into a Buffy marathon by **Rachel Berry.**

**Rachel Berry and 2 others like this.**

**Rachel Berry: **Kurt, you should be glad that I am still associating with you after finding out about your problem with the Buff-ster.

**Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: **Rachel used the phrase 'the Buff-ster'?

**Quinn Fabray: **Have you been lobotomised? Is there something going round? Good GOD is it contagious?

**Rachel Berry: **I have not undergone a lobotomy, neither have a caught any sort of sickness. My love for Buffy is so intense that I felt the need to express myself in a different way than usual. Is that so wrong?

**Santana Lopez: **She makes sense. Buffy is pretty cool.

**Quinn Fabray: **Finn, we're going shopping for immunization needles.

**Finn Hudson: **Could it wait? We're having Halo night.

**Rachel Berry: **Quinn, the notion that just because I dipped into the world of simple and direct language for a moment I need to be seriously, contagiously ill is preposterous.

**Quinn Fabray: **... Fine. But the second you start 'dipping' again, I'm getting a flu mask.

0-0-0-0-0

**Blaine Anderson**: **Kurt Hummel **I am BREAKING UP WITH YOU!

**Kurt Hummel: **WHAT?

**Blaine Anderson: **You had a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon. WITHOUT ME.

**Kurt Hummel: **I was ambushed!

**Blaine Anderson: **You had your phone with you, didn't you? And you just failed to mention it in the 37 TEXTS you sent me?

**Santana Lopez: **Wow, Hummel. I never expected you would be a needy boyfriend (Sarcasm).

**Kurt Hummel: **At least I communicate in more than grunts in a relationship, Satan-a. Blaine, I'm sorry, alright? Is that enough?

**Blaine Anderson: **I shouldn't accept that apology. But I will. You're too cute to be mad at.

**Santana Lopez: ***gag*

**Brittany Pierce: **What do those stars mean?

**Blaine Anderson: **You should at least bake me a cake. You know that I'm the biggest fan of Buffy in the universe!

**Rachel Berry: **Pardon me?

**Kurt Hummel: **Oh god.

**Mercedes Jones: **Everyone run for cover.

**Sam Evans: **Why?

**Kurt Hummel: **We are about to experience Armageddon.

**Blaine Anderson: **I'm pretty sure I said I was the biggest fan of Buffy in the universe. And that Kurt should bake me a cake. True facts.

**Finn Hudson: **Quinn, THIS is what you should have been scared of.

**Brittany Pierce: **I'm gonna call my mom and tell her I love her.

**Quinn Fabray: **Why, Britt?

**Brittany Pierce: **Didn't you see what Blaine said? He challenged Rache's love for that Vampire Slayer girl.

**Rachel Berry: **Oh, you meant SECOND biggest fan of Buffy, did you not?

**Quinn Fabray: **Should we pray?

**Brittany Pierce: **I don't think it'd be a good idea to fall asleep right now but thanks for the offer.

**Artie Abrams: **Go Brittany, go Brittany!

**Brittany Pierce: **Oooh! Artie have you joined Cheerios?

**Santana Lopez: ***Facepalm*

**Blaine Anderson: **Are you implying that you're a bigger fan of Buffy than I am?

**Kurt Hummel: **RUN FOR IT!

**Rachel Berry: **I believe I am!

**Blaine Anderson: **Oh, it is SO on!

**Rachel Berry: **Lets settle this on my page.

**Brittany Pierce: **Yay! San's lucky, she doesn't have to move anywhere!

**Rachel Berry: **What does that mean?

**Santana Lopez: **Nothing, Brittany's talking crazy.

**Mercedes Jones: **Hang on, I'm confused...

**Blaine Anderson: **We're all at Rachel's page right now guys...

0-0-0-0-0

**Rachel Berry: **I cannot believe you **Blaine Anderson**! And I thought we were getting along.

**Blaine Anderson: **We could still be, if you would just admit I'm a bigger Buffy fan than you.

**Rachel Berry: **I am not going to admit to a false fact!

**Blaine Anderson: **It's not a false fact! Even if it's all a figment of imagination, I will love Buffy until the day I die.

**Rachel Berry: **What... did you... just say?

**Kurt Hummel: **Oh, for the love of Will's hair products don't say it...

**Blaine Anderson: **Season 6? Normal?

**Kurt Hummel: **Quinn, now would be a good time to start praying. If there is a god, he'll disable Facebook right about now...

**Rachel Berry: **NORMAL? That episode was a MIND GAME! JOSS WHEDON MESSES WITH US!

**Blaine Anderson: **IT WAS COMPLETELY OBVIOUS!

**Sam Evans: **I'm not entirely comfortable with all this yelling. Breadsticks?

**Mercedes Jones: **Good idea. We'll leave till they're done.

**Rachel Berry: **They designed that episode to leave us in a state of confusion. Only TRUE fans like myself could see that it was that demon's poison that made Buffy think that.

**Blaine Anderson: **For the love of Anyanka, how can you think that way?

**Rachel Berry: **Because that's the way the episode was set up!

**Blaine Anderson: **It ended with the scene in the hospital, when Buffy had supposedly gotten over her 'insanity' and 'illusions'. Why would they have that scene if Buffy didn't see it?

**Rachel Berry: **A part of her knew what happened, and they showed the POV of that part of her, like she was watching it happen. They also wanted to mess with us. Like in Restless.

**Blaine Anderson: **You wanna talk about Restless? We'll talk about Restless.

**Rachel Berry: **Oh, spare me your tiring talk, I know where this is going. Kurt has told me about your rants. The man with cheese was NOT a metaphor, just a quirk put in to make us laugh. It succeeded, did it not?

**Blaine Anderson: **Of course it succeeded. But there was a deeper meaning. The cheese on his head represents Spike going insane.

**Rachel Berry: **You are not seriously suggesting that a dairy product on a bald man's head signifies insanity, are you? The very notion of that is just ridiculous! Listen to yourself!

**Blaine Anderson: **If you think about it, it kind of makes sense.

**Rachel Berry: **Nothing about that episode makes sense! It was just a not-so-quiet, albeit strange way, to end season 4. You couldn't exactly end such a significant season with an episode like Primeval. They hadn't even began to show the cracks in Buffy and Riley's relationship, and they couldn't just enter season 5 without hinting it. I'm telling you, the writers of Buffy worked in mysterious ways. Ways that YOU, a wannabe Buffy fan, would not understand.

**Blaine Anderson: **Oh, come on! You could tell it was rocky from the minute Angel returned.

**Rachel Berry: **Oh DON'T talk to me about Angel.

**Blaine Anderson: **Why? Angel and Buffy are meant to be.

**Rachel Berry: **ANGEL? FUCKING ANGEL? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? He broke her heart, erased the happiest day of her life from her memory, refused to stop loving her, broke up with her and left without saying goodbye! SHE IS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR ANGEL!

**Blaine Anderson: **...

**Blaine Anderson: **I guess this conversation is over.

**Rachel Berry: **I believe it is.

0-0-0-0-0

**Brittany Pierce: **My world has gone topsy turvy. Rachel swore!

**11 people like this**

**Santana Lopez: **It was pretty bad ass.

**Rachel Berry: **It's not that big of a deal, guys!

**Blaine Anderson: **Beg to differ. *scowl*

**Brittany Pierce:** No-one's told me what those stars mean yet.

**Rachel Berry: **I thought WE weren't talking.

**Blaine Anderson: **Whatever, JOAN.

**Rachel Berry: **Whatever, UMAD.

**Blaine Anderson: **Boy, you're bossy-

**Rachel Berry: **Boy you're a pain in the-

**Blaine Anderson: **Do you think we could be...

**Rachel Berry: **Buffy Bro's?

**Blaine Anderson: ***Hug*

**Rachel Berry: ***Hug*

**Santana Lopez: **This is so gay.

**Rachel Berry: **You love it. *wink*

**Santana Lopez: ***dirty thoughts come flooding in*

**Rachel Berry: **I so do not approve! *cough cough, wink wink*

**Brittany Pierce: **WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THOSE FREAKING STARS MEAN?

**End Fic. Hope you like. Reviews are my muse. Who knows, I might actually keep going with my multi-chapter stories! *Chuckle* No, I promise I will no matter if I get 1000 reviews or none (But 1000 would be supermegafoxyawesomehot) Who else is a fan of starkid?**


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